One clear sign a couple will break up'
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Yueke
Thu, Jun 27, 2024
PHOTO: Yueke
I'm a Marriage Counsellor — There's One Clear Sign a Couple Will Break Up
A counsellor has shared the clear sign a couple will end in divorce somewhere down the line. When answering 'What screams 'we are not going to last long' for couples?' on a Reddit thread, a user shared the comment a counsellor shared with them.
They said: "I was at a party one time and there was a marriage counsellor there that had been working for 20-something years in couples counselling. I asked her what the number one sign was that the couple wasn't going to make it. Without hesitating, she said, 'If one person shows contempt for the other's feelings, it's over!'."
When speaking to a sex and relationship researcher, Kristen Mark described contempt in a relationship as when you disregard your partner's feelings and treat them as someone who is not worthy of consideration. She added: "Mocking your partner, speaking to them with condescension, or using sarcasm for cruelty are all examples of contempt."
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Adding to this, another user said: "This is a really well-documented one. Contempt is a dead giveaway. The moment you start 'sneering' or using incredulous sarcasm, you should consider it to be a red alert. My wife and I are doing fine these days, but a few of our worst fights have contained contempt.
"Fortunately, because we'd heard this guidance before, we realized we were in very dangerous territory and needed to take a really hard look at the root causes of what was p***ing us off at each other. Anger can be a natural reaction, as long as it doesn't come with abuse. Contempt, however, is like black mould."
Sharing their own "red flags" in a relationship, one user claims couples who share "too many" photos or updates about each other on social media could be doing it for "outside validation rather than inside happiness".
They said: "When they post each other too much. I get the occasional picture together but when you full-on document every little thing it just comes across as wanting to prove your relationship to other people because you’re insecure."
Another user weighed in: "Talking on the phone/ FaceTime/ texting 24/7. Fastest way to codependency. When one of the partners can't pay attention to their phone, the other gets sour. I've seen it a billion times."
A counsellor has shared the clear sign a couple will end in divorce somewhere down the line. When answering 'What screams 'we are not going to last long' for couples?' on a Reddit thread, a user shared the comment a counsellor shared with them.
They said: "I was at a party one time and there was a marriage counsellor there that had been working for 20-something years in couples counselling. I asked her what the number one sign was that the couple wasn't going to make it. Without hesitating, she said, 'If one person shows contempt for the other's feelings, it's over!'."
When speaking to a sex and relationship researcher, Kristen Mark described contempt in a relationship as when you disregard your partner's feelings and treat them as someone who is not worthy of consideration. She added: "Mocking your partner, speaking to them with condescension, or using sarcasm for cruelty are all examples of contempt."
READ MORE:
Adding to this, another user said: "This is a really well-documented one. Contempt is a dead giveaway. The moment you start 'sneering' or using incredulous sarcasm, you should consider it to be a red alert. My wife and I are doing fine these days, but a few of our worst fights have contained contempt.
"Fortunately, because we'd heard this guidance before, we realized we were in very dangerous territory and needed to take a really hard look at the root causes of what was p***ing us off at each other. Anger can be a natural reaction, as long as it doesn't come with abuse. Contempt, however, is like black mould."
Sharing their own "red flags" in a relationship, one user claims couples who share "too many" photos or updates about each other on social media could be doing it for "outside validation rather than inside happiness".
They said: "When they post each other too much. I get the occasional picture together but when you full-on document every little thing it just comes across as wanting to prove your relationship to other people because you’re insecure."
Another user weighed in: "Talking on the phone/ FaceTime/ texting 24/7. Fastest way to codependency. When one of the partners can't pay attention to their phone, the other gets sour. I've seen it a billion times."
AP PHOTOS: In the Spirit of Perseverance, Artists Flock to Congo’s Biggest Dance Festival
GOMA, Congo (AP) — For Virginie Magumba, a 22-year-old professional dancer from Goma in eastern Congo, dancing is more than just a career.
“Dancing helps me liberate myself, manage my emotions, and not feel all alone,” she said. “All that I have become I owe to dancing.”
Magumba won the prize for Best Congolese Dancer at this year’s festival, the largest dancing event in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
The annual festival, which sees dancers from all over the world flocking to Goma, has been held in the city for the past seven years despite ongoing attacks by rebel groups in Eastern Congo. The region has long been overrun by more than 120 armed groups seeking a share of its gold and other resources.
“This festival built me as a dancer,” said Magumba. “It showed me I could follow my dreams.”
Magumba started dancing relatively late. She watched dancers practice in her father’s sports club for years, but it wasn’t until she was 17, freshly graduated from high school and about to start a degree in humanitarian studies, that she decided to give it a go.
Over time, dancing became a sort of therapy for her. It made her forget family troubles and the ongoing violence in the region — and allowed her to keep hope.
“We try to keep hoping, but it’s hard when nothing is improving,” she said. “The festival embodies this spirit of perseverance.”
Although her career as a dancer gives her the rare opportunity to travel outside the country, she says she’s not planning on leaving Congo.
“So many people left in recent years,” she said. “But I built my career here, in my city, in my community. There are only two professional female dancers in Goma. I tell myself: if I leave, who is going to show the other girls it is possible?”
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